In Memory of Alexander Rene Boutilier

In Memory of Alexander Rene Boutilier

What the Man Meant to me

There is nothing I can say or write that will make the loss any less bitter that it is.

It has been a fairly long time since I have written anything or put anything of significance out into the world. I'll be brief in saying that I have and continue to have my share of problems.

A week ago a very good friend, Alexander, passed away in a motorcycle accident in his new home country of South Korea where he leaves behind a family, whose loss I cannot even begin to comprehend.

When I was around twenty or so, I first met Rene through another close friend, Paul Aaron Hare. Specific memory fails me, but on a caffeinated sugar binge, the words came out, "let's go over to the
Brotherhood and hang out with Ne'Ne and Heaver (Heather Van Buren). Sounded like fun and it was.

The brotherhood of Dada and consequently Rene – whose character was infused into the very essence of the place, was completely unforgettable. Somehow, even to this day, the colour combination of green and purple still stands out in my mind as a warm reminder of the time I spent there, and somehow it was aesthetically pleasing despite its absurdity.

Though many have described Rene as larger than life, and I would venture to add, a very gregarious extrovert, he also had an introverted and thoughtful side, that you would eventually meet if you were close to him. He would still take the time to know people who displayed less obvious charisma and presence than his own.

Though he could be brutally critical of serious character flaws and especially thoughtlessness in others (aren't most of the good people at one time or another), Rene took the time to at least grok most people he came into contact with, and in my case, I felt richer for it. In retrospect, I think Rene valued both good friends and time itself, which I can paraphrase with life is short, why waste it on boring or obnoxious people or pursuits.

In Rene, I found a kindred spirit, with a list of eccentricities that matched or exceeded my own, and a depth of character that made you want to know him better. He had a razor sharp wit, and a well rounded intelligence that made you want to share thoughts and ideas, someone you could have a serious intellectual conversation with for hours on end, or joke around with until you were both nearly breathless with laughter.

I still remember the time Rene, one day, decided to experiment, going off on one of his mental tangents, like a mad scientist, and make rope, with a found bag of scrap linens, and two parking meters, right outside of the house. Personally, when ever I do this sort of thing, the one person that I think of is Rene.

I believe that if you have a brain capable of even the most rudimentary reflection and consideration, you will understand that everyone you meet and spend time with, good and bad times included, will change who you are, in which respect I would have to say that Rene was one of the people that has had left an indelible impression on my own life and way of thinking. At one point, I failed to mention earlier, Rene opened his home to me, and gave me a place to live, but more importantly a place to begin finding out who I was going to be as an adult, while I experienced what I now consider a second childhood, with a gang of roommates I now consider to be a second family of sorts. So much of what I am now, comes from that time at the house remembered as, "The Brotherhood of Dada," and my time hanging out with the irreplaceable Rene.

I am unsure of the existence of an afterlife, but then again, who alive is? I would like to believe that there is something beyond this level of existence, just so I have a chance to have a few more conversations, or debates, or drinks, or shared mental tangents, with my friend Alexander Rene Boutilier, whom I hope understands how much of an affect he had on all of us, and how much he is missed already.

The Three Important Questions To Ask Yourself

I need to answer the three questions once again, but complete the exercise this time, and bring about what I want in life.

What do I want to do? And why?
Who do I want to be with? And why?
Where do I want to be? And why?

Fulfilling one's life boils down to answering these three questions, and everything else is just décor.
This Ted Talk I had recently watched has an interesting theory, that the key to happiness is to stay in the moment; the kernel of the idea being that mind-wandering leads us into an unhappy state of being. While I completely agree with the idea, I don't fully subscribe to the idea that we should be happy at all times, and that all emotions have their place in our lives. If you cannot experience sadness, then what meaning does happiness have?

Furthermore, sadness, has its place because it tells us that something is wrong in our lives. All emotional states have their purpose, even the negative ones. In much the same way anger, in most cases tells us, that we have been wronged.

The purpose of mind-wandering for me is to run exercises on what is wrong, or how I can improve my life in some way. This brings me to the three questions, which I think should be answered in times of change. I cannot remember where I found these three questions, a book, a video clip, or a sound clip, but, nonetheless. They are here, and whatever brought them here does not matter, only that the questions are available as an exercise.

This year, prior to a work holiday party (in February, if memory serves), I wrote out these three questions and answered two out of three before I left to join my coworkers for a night of revelry, drink, and food. I was not clear on one of the questions, and oddly enough, the two that I answered have started to progress in the direction I chose at the time -great! The one I did not answer on paper, but did have the answer in mind ~ has languished ~ the result, suffering in that aspect of my life. I let circumstances decide for me, rather than exert will to define my life. This way of living can lead to regret, which was nicely defined in this other Ted Talk, because sometimes circumstances and other people do not have our own best interest at heart.

Life is never about a goal, in the end, it is about the journey towards reaching those goals, yet the goals must be defined to begin the journey. Time is short, do yourself a favor, take a pen and paper (don't type), find a calm place where you can write, and answer these questions for yourself.

Teach Yourself to Be Ambidextrous

Teach Yourself to Be Ambidextrous

Should you not already be ambidextrous, and you wish to improve your body and mind, you can begin to improve yourself in measured increments. If both of your hands are equally skilled, you can be more productive as a result.

This is easy enough to start learning as all that you need to do is to start using your off hand to perform tasks normally assigned to your main hand, which in the case of most of the population is the right hand. One benefit of this is that your main hand would suffer less continuous stress, as the other hand begins to see more usage. Additionally, you become more balanced physically and mentally. As the mind and the body are connected through a nervous system, it stands to reason that new patterns of behavior would be simultaneously accompanied by the creation of new synapse patterns and also the modification of old synapse patterns.

The retooling of your off-hand also forces you to re-learn the skill you have learned with your main hand. Weather this is brushing your teeth, writing a note, painting a wall, or even washing dishes, relearning a skill in a slightly different way often improves the basic skill because it can encourage someone to reflect on that skill because often those skills and tasks are automatic when one is using their main hand.

I was thinking about this while having a coffee and wrote this article entry out by hand,  the majority of which was composed with my left hand, just to see if I could do it.

Although my handwriting can be very neat and even attractive if I am focusing on the act, even with my main hand, it is often messy because it tends to be inconsistent.

Granted, I am just focusing on getting the ideas down onto paper, rather than trying to impress anyone with my beautiful script. So the result is not overly attractive, but effective and efficient because I can read my own handwriting at a later time. When I tried with my left hand, the result was interesting; I had never written more than a sentence with my left hand prior to this page, so it was not attractive either.

One thing I did notice is that because I was forced to take extra time with the task, the results were oddly a lot more consistent than with what would have occurred with my right hand writing. I was forced to think consciously about the formation of each letter rather than drilling a word out as fast as possible so my thoughts slowed down to the point where I almost lost patience with the idea; nevertheless, the thoughts did occur and perhaps were altered in a beneficial way by given them time to form properly the first time.